Everything's Naruto's Doing
by GodGoku
Summary: nothing much but everything is plotted and it may look too dumb a bit at the beginning but the next chapters would include some funny things with girls and boys its only for fun nothing personal and i don't own naruto.
1. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2-THE WEIRD DREAM**

**Hmm so im back but this time with pain orochimaru and naruto and sakura's doin a small part enjoy. Desclaimer-I dont own naruto cause if I did naruto would be able to use water style.**

NARRATOR-So as usual we are in konoha's hot afternoon and naruto has eaten his afternoon ramen which was extra tasty and so now was the time to train! hmm naruto get up it's the time to train sasuke's waiting for you naruto hey naruto. Get up will you lazy someone oh no sorry something get up or sasuke's gonna screw you. So as you can read he is sleeping but I can't finish the chapter just cause he is sleeping lets see what happens

_**NARUTO'S DREAMS **_

"_Owww Naruto your body is so strong , you are so sharp, you are so tall do you drink horlicks?" asked sakura_

"_nope I drink complan I am a complan boy" said naruto cheering_

"_well horlicks's better why don't you buy that just for me please naruto please" said sakura pleasing naruto_

"_All right anything for you sakura " said naruto_

_**next day (IN DREAMS) naruto was in a konoha's mall whose name was "I am going to be a mallokage mall" (THE STONGEST MALL IN THE VILLAGE)**_

"_hmm lets see 50% sale that's good so I am going to be a mollokage mall is really good mall and I am sure I will vote for you you will win the mallo election if you do booth capturing for sure after all I will vote for you"_

_NARRATOR-MY GOD WHY IS EVRYTHING WEIRD IN THIS DREAM  
OF COURSE IT IS WEIRD SINCE IT IS THE DEAM OF A WEIRD_

_And so naruto is in the mall searching for horlicks as sakura told _

"_here I found it it's the last one though I am lucky no one has taken I yet let me get it before someone else gets it " said naruto_

"_at last almighty pull" said pain_

_Puuum_

_NARRATOR-The horlicks was in pain/nagato's hand _

"_HEY red headed guy it's not fair I was looking at it it belongs to me please give that to me if I grow more taller, more stronger, more sharper sakura will marry me all the girls will fall for me in the village" said naruto charmingly_

" _I am pain I am god and it dosen't mean that if you look at something it belongs to you that way I am looking to you so does that mean I own you?" asked pain_

"_well yes pain but, no pain" said naruto_

" _I am pain I am god so you are naruto the knucklehead hyperactive ninja ….dog" said pain_

"_Ninja dog? I see this fic is getting far popular then I expected so I must hide my reputation" said naruto_

"_I am…." Said pain but he couldn't complete it sentence since naruto spoke_

"_You are pain ,You are god will you stop saying that annoying line?" said naruto_

"_I am pain , I am god alright I will try but for now this horlicks is mine no one can take it from me" said pain_

" _Hey if you are pain and you are god then why do you need horlicks and you look so small so dull and so weak how are you god? I am naruto I am quubi's jinchuriki" said naruto_

"_I am pain I am god well…..cause even though I am a god I am a human I give you all life I make you what you want but my height is too small and I look so dull and weak so my wife nail has told me to get horlicks so I will grow taller stronger sharper" said pain_

"_Ahaan my horlicks I wan't it "someone whose only shadow could be seen said_

"_now whom is it we didn't complete our fight so please can you take that receipt and wait in the line. And pain why do you keep repeating that line that you are a dog? I am naruto I am quubi's jinchuriki"said naruto_

"_I am pain I am dog ? Oh ya you mean god so you really are the hyperactive knucklehead ninja dog urinatingmaki naruto yeah and I repeat that line so people really think I am pain and am a god" said pain_

_(NOTE-MAKI IS JUST SIMPLY ADDED TO RYME )_

"_urinatingmaki naruto? I am susumaki naruto(the one who pees=urinatingmaki naruto) I mean uzumaki naruto I am naruto I am quubi's jinchuriki" said naruto_

"_Are you all done cause according to the receipt all you had was 5 minutes max and this is is going on for 6 miniutes" the person whose shadow was seen spoke_

"_allright orochimaru you can come and have a quarrel with us I am naruto I am quubi's jinchuriki" said naruto_

_NARRATOR-HMM BUT CAN WE ALL PLEASE STOP REPEATING THE LINE_

"_Allright "_

"_Ok"_

"_Sure"_

_All of them said in unision_

_NARRATOR-so who is gonna take this horlicks? we all heard naruto's, pain's reasons so only you are left orochi _

"_HAII orochi?" asked orochimaru_

_NARRATOR-yeah cause you are a lot cute and handsome_

"_Beware orochimaru the narrator has a liking to you" said naruto_

"_All right so my wife kabutari has forced me cause she is pregnant and doctor said she has to grow stronger or else she and her baby will die ahhahh" orochimaru was crying_

"_Hmm can we turn off the stage lights it's….you know not a drama and by the way when did kabuto become kabutari and become pregnant? Wow orochimaru have to hand it to your experiments I never knew they were gender changing too"_

_FROM SO FAR Gaara and Kimmimaro were seen_

"_give me horlicks fast give me naruto" said gaara_

"_gaara why"? asked naruto_

" _I was having fight with kimmimaro and we are out of energy "said gaara_

"_well then drink red bull" said pain_

"_hmm tried already but that's out of stock"said gaara_

"_give me the horlicks" said kimmimaro_

"_I have got a idea lets vote the one one with maximum vote wins all the horlicks for himself" said orochimaru_

"_ALLRIGHT"_

_All of them said in unision(a single voice/together)_

_AND SO THE RESULTS WERE EVRYONE GOT ONE VOTE CAUSE THEY VOTED FOR THEMSELVES_

_And now everything was serious they all were burning in flames when…_

"_oh there it is thank you pain"said the person_

"_and you are…..?" asked pain_

"_the owner of this mall I need the horlicks thank you" the owner said_

_AND THE OWNER TOOK THE HORLICKS _

_AND A WAR BEGAN WITH EVRYONE HITTING EACH OTHER FOR HORLICKS_

_WHEN…_

"_Everyone stop" sakura said_

"_If you give me the horlicks bottle I will tell you something" said sakura_

_NARUTO THOUGHT THAT_

"_Sakura would bath with him"_

_OROCHIMARU THOUGHT THAT_

"_sakura would let him touch her feet"_

_Pain thought that_

"_She would marry him"_

_Gaara thought that_

"_She would remove all of her clothes and stand in front of him"_

_KIMMIMARO THOUGHT THAT_

"_She would become his girlfriend"_

_THE OWNER OF THE MALL THOUGHT_

"_She would tell him that he was the best person on earth(most handsome)_

"_and sakura told I need the horlicks bottle for Sasuke " said sakura_

_EVRYONE FAINTED AND SAKURA TOOK THE HORLICKS BOTTLE FROM THE OWNER_

_AND BOOM NARUTO AWOKE TO FIND SAKURA NEXT TO HIM AND ASKED "NARUTO CAN YOU GET ME A HORLICKS BOTTLE"?_

**HMM YEAH THIS WAS A LONG ONE BUT A LOT FUNNY ONE HOPE YOU LIKED IT PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME IF IT IS GOING ABOVE K+ RATINGS I WILL TRY TO UPDATE IT SOON AND NOW I AM ALMOST OUT OF IDEAS I CAN STILL RIGHT 1-2 chaps PLEASE REVIEW SO I KNOW MY TIME ON THIS FIC ISN'T A WASTE AND GIVE ME IDEAS**


	2. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3- SAKURA AND THE LIGHTNING GOD**

**So guys I am back with chapter 3 in this sakura's playing a major role due to naruto's stupidness I am running out of ideas help would be appreciated review please. desclaimer-I don't own naruto cause if I did itachi would be perfect **

So this time again we are in konoha's great afternoon which is always so hot and this time naruto has eaten his afternoon ramen and seems to be at his house instead of training with sasuke .

NARRATOR-so naruto our konoha's zero where are you? finding you in your home is also so difficult your house seems to be hit by a hurricane and is always so messy was there any sale or something?

"hmm hey you are early today get lost don't come here"naruto said but his voice was low and not clear

NARRATOR-where are you naruto wait I will find you

"no please don't find me please"

NARRATOR-there you are….what are you doing in the bathroom?

"well I am playing ouch-ouch with sasuke and I got hurt and so I am hiding my bum" said naruto

NARRATOR-well you should take care

"what do you think why does a person go to a toilet?" asked naruto

NARRATOR-so let's not disturb naruto and skip half an hour and here naruto's again practicing with sasuke

"kage bushin no jutsu"(shadow clone jutsu)

And then sasuke used his chidori on the clone naruto made they did this several time until sasuke was out of chakra he said"you need to be as fast as lightning to dodge my chidori"

"ahaa LIGHTNING ok" said naruto

Sasuke left and naruto was their doing something which looked less like a practice and more like a physically begging style dance

"JINGA LALA HOO JINGALAL HOO PHURPHUR RAIN COME COME" naruto said screaming

And then suddenly the clouds began to shine and there was lightning and then naruto told zeus to throw as many lightning to him as many as he could and naruto got zapped 5-6 times his brain was fried he was an omlet ! even though his brain was already fried now it was in French fries condition.

" SUSUMAKI NARUTO I have seen your potential and your hardworking you never know when to give up even when you were constipating you never gave up" spoke zeus

"I am going to be a hokage some day" spoke naruto

"well I am sorry to say that I won't be able to send any more lightning to you if I did I would be in trouble because I wouldn't have enough energy to keep hades who is doing something with the ladies away from my big 'GOD OF THE GODS' tittle and he would win the award and what I would get is babagi ka thullu (babagi ka thullu is an hindi word oftenly used in comedy shows it mean zero or nothing)if I give you more lightening what would i get?"

"sa ku ra"

"Alright how many times more you need lightening?"

"more 5 times" said naruto

And so now naruto was in the state of French fries along with sauce

"alright now give me sakura" said zeus

"so welcome to susumaki restaurant would you like something for dinner?" asked naruto

"what are my options?" asked zeus

"yes or No" replied naruto

"No seriously I would prefer sakura over ino" said zeus

"would you like her with cover(clothes) or without?" asked naruto

"Without"

"allright I will have to ask her to remove her shoes socks and headband and jacket to go to meet you but you should make sure your ac is off because she will feel cold otherwise she will come in her original pink shirt and black half pants"

"aaa NARUTO" zeus was angry

"all right all right" said naruto

AND SOON NARUTO SOMEHOW MADE SAKURA TO GO TO ZEU'S HOME AND WEEKS PASSSED SAKURA DIDN'T RETURN AND THEN ONE DAY SHE CAME…

"halloa naruto,halloa sasuke and halloa lady hokage" said sakura

"Oh sakura a long time where were you?" asked tsunade

"Well…." Sakura started becoming red and embarrassed for some reason

And for some reason naruto started saying no no

"we…what fill in the blanks abut this time you wont get helpbox like last exam " said tsunade

"well I was with zeus because someone dumb person promised him and I had to do what he told including taking my privacy away" said sakura

"anyway I'll give u a mission" said tsunade pouting

"YEA YEA A MISSION wait but I am not going to get mrs hijiya's cat again"said naruto over excited

"well it's not cat it's a group of rouge bees" said tsunade

"lets go" naruto was all fired up

and so on the way during mission sakura was walking in front of naruto and sasuke talking to sasuke about something that she did with zeus and sasuke wasn't interested at all but naruto was over interested

but then naruto will never forget that afternoon again because…

"Oh really sakura you sure?that happened?" naruto spoke

And suddenly he tripped of the stone falling on sakura exactly like a person sleeping over other person his lips were touching her lips and his hand was on her chest

Sasuke's attention was suddenly taken away by naruto's foolish but encouraging deadly act

"NARUTO LOOK AT YOUR HANDS WHERE ARE YOU TOUCHING I AM A FEMALE YOU KNOW IT'S NOT GOOD TOUCHING FEMALES ON THEIR BREASTS ARE THAT GOOD MANNERS? " sakura said angrily

"well first of all you are not 100% female you are 76% female 22% male and 1%animal and 1% genderless and sorry sakura about my hands touching your body parts that are considered inappropriate by you but appropriate by me" even though naruto said that with confidence and took it like a joke he was scared and regretted saying that sentence

FROM THAT DAY ONWARDS NARUTO HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN IN THE VILLAGE ANYMORE THERE CAN BE SEEN POSTERS OF HIM EVERYWHERE TELLING ANYONE WHO CAN FIND THE ZERO THAT IS HERO WILL WIN SOMETHING AFTER THIS DAY NARUTO LEARNED THAT NEVER SEND A GIRL WITH A GOD BECAUSE THEY LEARN THEIR RESPECTIVE POWERS BECAUSE NARUTO GOT SMACKED BY SAKURA'S PUNCH AND DURING THAT TIME LIGHTNING CAME AND STRIKED HIM AS WELL AS SAKURA'S PUNCH WAS IN LIGHTNING AURA(CHAKRA)

**HI everyone this one was not funny because I didn't make it one because of the sad demise of **_**SOUTH AFRICA'S GREAT LEADER NELSON MANDELA AT THE AGE OF 95**_** next chapter's going to be the funniest one I have ever thought because the idea is itself very funny please review or I won't post any chapters from later next one's the last one if no one revies it's the last one for sure **

**sayonara**


	3. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1-konoha's unfortunate day**

**Ok guys so this story takes place after sasuke learns chidori and naruto learns rasengan yeah though it is when naruto, sasuke are small though if it takes place in shippuden it won't be fun and this is my first fic. Desclaimer- Oh yeah and I don't own naruto because if I did own it I guess naruto wouldn't be naruto.**

So it is konoha's very special afternoon which is as always so hot and as usual naruto's on his way to ichiraku for his ramen somehow when he hears the word "RAMEN" his mind is out of order and only two people can maintain his brain and get his brain back to the track one is sakura by her great punch and second is ichraku

"so naruto here's your midday (afternoon) Ramen it's mainly because of you that so far I have been able to get a good business. You see my ichiraku nowadays is very empty and only you come here for ramen and don't you get a stomach ace ever by eating ramen? I guess you were born with the talent to eat as much of ramen you ever wanted and you could digest it all?"ichiraku said trying to not make it a long speech

"Ramen Ramen Ramen "naruto blabbered

"Naruto you dimwit didn't you hear what I was talking ? my god why am I doing this to myself afterall he is the great blond come on how many times will I have to repeat this?"said ichiraku

"did you say something?" asked naruto

"leave it naruto you really are more THAN you look" ichiraku said with strains of tiredness in his voice

And so our great blond goes his way back home and follows a normal routine till after somedays he and sasuke are practicing their ninjutsu naruto makes a clone and so does sasuke.

"are you ready you sure about this naruto?"

"yeah this is the only way to improve my rasengan and your chidori"

"very well then let's go!" said sasuke in excitement

BOOOM

A big explosion and the konaha is almost blown into pieces

At the mount hokage

tsunade's face does not have a nose

Minato has half of his face in dust powder

Sarutobi cannot be differentiated from a monkey

Tobirama instead of having one scar on his face. The face is cracked in two pieces one falling on tsunade's office and one at the mount hokage itself

And the pride of konoha , god of the shinobi

Hashirama's face….was not there

"NARUTO"

"SASUKE"

"NARUTO"

"SASUKE"

"NARUTO"

"SASUKE"

"we both are gonna get screwed! From granny tsunade and I can dream what would be that about" said naruto crying a bit

"Yeah you are right for the first time" said sasuke even though he dosen't have emotions at all for the first time he was kind of scared.

"NARUTO!" "YOU IDIOT YOU RUINED MY FACE AND MY UNCLES MY GRANDPAS AS WELL AS MY SENSEI'S AND ALSO OF YOUR …"

"FORGET THE FOURTH BUT YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS " said tsunade adding with a great punch to naruto "and sauke I couldn't believe that YOU DID THIS TOOO NOW YOU'LL PAY"

"YAAAA"

THUM

"Ow that hurt what about you sasuke?" said naruto

"NO it was fun wasan't it naruto should we try again?" said sasuke

"NO it was not fun are you crazy?" said naruto

"YOU FOOL OF COURSE ITS'S NOT FUN IDIOT" said sasuke angrily

AND SO OUR DUO HEROES WENT TO TSUNADE'S OFFICE TO APOLOGISE

"Sorry granny "

"Sorry lady hokage"

SAID NARUTO AND SAUKE TOGETHER

"HELL YEAH" said tsunade

"I guess you guys came on wrong time cause she is annoyed a bit heheheh" said shizune a bit startled

"a bit?" asked sasuke

Booom

THE TABLE BROKE

"Bring In The Next One and bring " said shizune releasing a sigh

"coming in mam" said a worker

"whats going on?" asked naruto

"You see well lady hokage is a bit annoyed today and when she is annoyed she breaks a table and now that has become a routine and so this is 137th table so far and this way we can check the best quality of the table as well and if she stays a bit longer konoha will be out of wood forever I think and maybe we will have to ask for wood from other nations maybe I guess we should bring steel table but since she is LADY HOKAGE she will break it without any problem" said shizune lecturing

"HMM what did u say?" asked naruto

"WHAT'S WONG WITH YOU YOU-YOU WHATEVER WHATYEVER I WILL SAY IS USELESS CAUSE YOU WILL ASK WHAT THAT MEANS" said shizune

"Hey what if we ask captain yamato to make wood for us?" asked naruto with a bulb on his head

"NO use cause we are using him for making the mount hokage again as you had broken it" said shizune with taking naruto's bulb and throwing it in his imaginary dustbin

"ahaaah I always thought we were of the best quality and made use of the best worker to make mount hokage but I see the case is something else…."

"ITS YOUR FAULT YOU I DON'T KNOW WHAT BUT CERTAINLY NOT A HUMAN BEING"

**Hmm so I guess that's more than enough for the first chapter I guess my chapter's small though I am trying to make it funny I will update the next chapter's soon since the story is progressing in a slow pace I will try my best in making it a funny one. To be truthful it's not progressing fast so I have decided there won't be any story there will only be a laughter the one which I had in my mind is action but this si humour so enjoy and ya please review and tell me what I lack you can also give me somethings or ideas of yours I will try to cultivate into a funny one.**


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